HOT-RAQ Issue 1

HOT-RAQ
The "Important" things going on in the US of A:
Issue 1

Alright Ford- I’ve been charged with keeping you up to date on all the “important” things going on while you’re away. I wouldn’t want you to fall behind so let’s get started.

The Hills- So I don’t know if you heard or not but LC and Audrina have been on the outs since LC’s best friend from college LO moved in with them. They were recently seem out together to try to put an end to the rumors that their relationship is now forced, but we’ll see what’s real…later.
Brangelina- Yea, don’t know if you’ve heard, but they’re having twins. There were rumors that the babies arrived last week, but no such luck. She’s still prego and talking to magazines about how it’s good for your sex life. Um- ew. Even if you are having sex with Brad Pitt.

Top Seller- Don’t know if you’ve heard the new hit “Lollipop,” over there in Hot-Raq but Little Wayne is now set to beat both Mariah AND Madonna in top album sales this year. I know…nuts. We’ll burn you the CD.

Little David- Speaking of Madonna…she finally won custody of her son, David that she adopted last year. Remember- the birth father tried to say that he didn’t even put him up for adoption. Don’t worry- Madge won and he’s legally allowed to be the luckiest kid on the planet.

Bad Bro- Oh and one more thing about Madonna- her brother Chris Ciccone has decided to write this tell all book about his famous sister. She’s worried that he’s going to lie about all this stuff and she’s especially POed because she gave that fool millions over the years. Wack if you ask me. We’ll send you the book. :)

Boo Hoo For You- You’ll be excited to return to the states especially now that Oral Sex has been directly linked to throat cancer. I don’t make this stuff up…these are the facts people! Here’s some proof…google it! http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn11819-oral-sex-can-cause-throat-cancer.html

NKOTB- I know you’re far away, but did you hear that the NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK (NKOTB) got back together? I’m super sad for you if you didn’t. Your wife and I are totally getting tickets.

Idol Frenzy- Speaking of dudes singing…did you hear that David Cook won American Idol? He was seriously awesome. He remix Miriah Carey’s “You’ll Always Be My Baby” and it was rockin. Didn’t sound anything like the original junk. Now he’s doing his media tour and I have to look at him every 5 seconds so I’m almost over him.

SYTYCD- and TV…dude- the best show just started. So you think you can dance. I don’t lie when I tell you that it’s more important to my life than the news. Well, at least right now. Just thought I would throw that out there.

Brian Williams- Ew- and the news. I made a New Years resolution at your wedding to watch the new every night and I’m doing pretty good, but I think that’s why I’m on these anti-depressants. For real though- last night I learned that no on in America is allowed to eat Tomatoes for a while. Sure enough I went to Chick-fil-a today and ordered my usual grilled sandwich that normally comes with a huge slice of tomato and guess what- nada. Chick-fil-a does not support E-Coli contamination.

Team Wentz- Did you know that Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson got engaged, married and knocked up all in like 3 months. True story. They think she’s having twins now…I know. I’ll keep you posted as I’m sure you’re riveted with excitement.

Kate (not yours) gotta man- Did you hear that Kate Hudson dumped Owen Wilson and now is dating Lance Armstrong? Totally true.

Cuba- Something that actual might interest you is that the Cuban government is moving to a more capitalist state. I know this doesn’t fit my “lighten the mood” blog here, but I find it awesome. They are actually ser to abolish their equal pay system which will allow for workers to earn performance bonuses. Cool huh?

Triple D- Seriously- Tommy Lee and Pamela Anderson are back together. I can’t make this stuff up. This is like round 801? Ridic.

SATC- The Sex and the City movie came out last weekend and it had a bigger opening night then expected- like super big. I can tell you that 20 of us went here in Atlanta at 10:30 dressed to kill and definitely had martinis before. Stereotype? Yup.

Lovers- Did you know that they’re making movies out of all the comic books now…Yup…Eric and Chet have been in movie theatre heaven now that Iron Man and The Hulk have come out. Oh- and those video games. I swear…sometimes I think they’re dating since they spend so much time together! I’ll take Zoe any day so it’s cool.

Maybe you and your buddies will be bored one day and read this…maybe not. That’s okay too. I would like to remind everyone that I am actually intelligent even though this blog begs to differ. HOLLER! I have to make sure you’re ready to communicate with the world about the things they care about when you get back.

:)